Feeling Stuck

Have you ever just felt stuck?

I feel like I am at the crossroads in soo many different points in my life, and am lost, stuck, afraid, excited, overwhelmed, and blah blah blah. There is so much going on in my head... for what feels like the first time, I am frozen. Normally, this is just something I would push and muscle through. I would just take action, any action... and move forward in any direction.

The hardest part for me right now, is I do not want just any direction. I want the right direction. And I am trying to decide if that is my perfectionism getting in the way, or if it is positive that I am slowing down for a little bit to decide what the right next step is.

I feel exhausted... I feel run down... and I feel there is no doubt that I will make this happen... I am just worried about the how. I know i need to give that up to God. Just work on what I am good at. Work on what I know works.

Ugh I have no idea what to do with myself right now... what to do with my business, how to make it work, where I want to take it.

I want it to be great. I want to do wonderful things, I want to change the world...

And then I want to lay in bed and sleep for days. ...

Well this is an unfinished post from yesterday... normally, I would just delete it or leave it in forever edit mode... but in an attempt to be vulnerable and let people in, take it as it is.

Here is to Monday and starting off with more pzazz!

We win or learn -- never fail!

What a necessary thing to remind myself, everyday, and especially today as I look back at my last blog post... back in January... wasn't my goal to blog more regularly? I was even trying to take part in a challenge to blog every day for a week... guess I learned that I had other priorities at the moment, or more importantly, if you want to create new habits, you have to really want to create them, have an emotional attachment to creating them, and then work super hard to ensure they are initiated. 

As I sit here getting ready to fill you all in on where I have been the last 3 months, my brain seems scattered and a bit anxious. So I guess it is just best to start, and we shall bear witness to what comes forth.

January was an interesting month:

- It was extremely weird to not wake up on New Years Day with my bestest friend, but I made the best of the day hanging out with my Colorado Parents. 

- I was informed on 12/31 that I would be finishing up my time with UBot at the end of Janurary. It was the right move for all of us I am sure.

- Joined the opening staff of a brand new Whiskey Bar in Arvada, CO -- they have 605+ whiskeys in house. It was a very interesting adventure opening a restaurant-- different that opening the cafeteria for sure -- especially because I was not in charge this time, which I was grateful for, but was also a challenge. The 30 hours a week that I was putting in there was a bit taxing but I made it. Sadly, however this is put on a rather indefinite hold until I figure out what is going on with my ankle... see next item.

- I fell snowboarding, which later comes back to bite me in the butt... 1 week of ignoring pain, total of 8 weeks in a tie up brace, 6 weeks and counting in an aircast, with fingers crossed that there is enough improvement that I do not need a ankle scope, or to keep wearing the boot -- find out 4/23...

- I got invited and started making the plans to attend a long time friends wedding down in St Johns!

- I had a brief stint back at Nitro, which was a lot of fun!

February 

- After months of anticipation (really its felt like longer, because since I met Myka I wanted to work with her, before I even really had the idea of what I wanted to do) I finally started working with the AMAZING Myka McLaughlin in her group business coaching program WINC. This has easily been the catalyst to the hardest, most exciting, frustrating, unnerving, exhausting, enlightening, (and soo many more emotions) 3 months of my life.

- My 30th Birthday was pretty great. Spent it in one of my favorite places in CO -- Grand Lake, with a small group of quality people. Cards, good food, my very own Fire Works display (soo cool how that worked out), and snowboarding. I was definitely a happy camper.

- I hosted my first Vision Boarding Workshop -- which eventually will turn into a monthly thing due to people asking me to keep putting it on. This opens up soo many ideas in Myka's program and my product development goes wild!

- Candy Karter a wonderful new friend and photographer did the most fabulous photo shoot I could have ever imagined for my birthday photos. Submitting photos to INKed magazine was a birthday goal so that was super super exciting. And surprisingly a lot of fun!

- I was getting pretty into my CrossFit training (as a service swap) and actually managed to dead lift more than my body weight! That was super super exciting. I am surprisingly really missing crossfit, but the aircast and I still some understand each other so well, so I am not chancing it.

- I was asked to be the host of the Arvada Chapter of the Alternative Business Networking group. A group that I regularly attend and have really loved so much!

March

- Received my first truly outstanding testimonial from a TOP client

- Matt, my more or less on again off again boyfriend since last June moved in. 

- Made it to the area contest for Toastmasters Table Topics contest

- Matt got us AMAZING tickets to see Garth Brooks while he was in Denver. The show was out of this world. It is hard to believe that Garth can still move around like he does.

- I finished the month off with a hard working new client.

- Since my ankle is not working with me like I would hope and the universe is always looking out for me. Boulder Legacy Apartments, where I first worked when I came to CO is under a whole bunch of transition and asked me if I could come back and help out. So I am working there 30 hours a week, which gets me benefits, which is super fabulous. I mostly make my own schedule, am taking on the assistance property manager title part-time, and over all am really happy to be back working with Paula -- my CO mom lol.

April

- Attended the Entrepreneur Success Summit -- meeting and reconnecting with some amazing people who I greatly look forward to making a large part of my life.

- I spent Easter with Matt's family and that was pretty interesting. It is nice to feel accepted and have friendly people to celebrate these things with.

- My newest client is a rockstar, love when people are so willing to let their stuff go, it makes the process so much easier.

- Matt and I visited the Stanley Hotel and got to sleep on the 4th floor -- their most haunted floor. We definitely heard things above our head... which was not possible. And either our neighbors were pranking each other all night or the ghosts were having some fun in the hallways lol.

- I technically had my first paid speaking gig and in the same day I Emceed a continuous party for a friend's grand opening.

- And the best part is the universe keeps sending me all of these fabulous people to help me grow, learn, and prosper. Thank you universe!!

 

Upcoming:

- VACATION!! Going to St John's Island from May 2-7th for Tiffany's wedding is going to be awesome!

- It comes at a great time because I will just finish my business program and it will be an wonderful celebratory thing-- I also get another 3 months of working with Myka and making sure my business just soars!

- I start my first program for my clients Mid May -- it is a 3 month program with 4 workshops and I am very excited about the changes I have made to get there. I need to kick some serious butt over the next two weeks though so that I can be sure to get is started on time... with enough participants.

- Be ready to see me and my business just explode awesomeness all over the place because it is about to happen!

Much love! From here on out, we are aiming for more in depth posts and not just wrap ups of where I have been. I am sure I will need an outlet for the good, bad, and inexplicable things about to happen in my life.

Have a most wonderful day!

*Jess*

#YourTurnChallenge

Many of you are probably unaware that one of the first things I do most mornings is read Seth Godin's Blog. It jump starts my brain, makes me think, and gives me a positive start to the day. 

A few days ago he was talking about one of his people's failures - she promised to blog for 30 days straight... and stopped at 29... she failed! This inspired her to create a movement and get a whole bunch of people to come together and blog for 7 days straight -- share their thoughts -- and hold each other accountable, in some sense.

Here is is 11:41 on the first day, and I nearly already gave up and failed the challenge.

I am kicking myself in the ass a little bit because today my goal was to write a blog post for my business and instead of sticking to it (I started it) I let other things distract me and take prescience. And now I am letting this challenge win out, too. But I think that is ok. I am sitting here sharing my thoughts, and I know that there is always tomorrow to write about how to clean out the clutter in the coat closet. Perhaps, I will really challenge myself and try to write TWO blog posts a day for the rest of this week... one for me and one for my business.

Do I have enough to say? Am I motivated enough? Do I find myself worthy enough?

How do we let these questions identify us and who we become. I was almost not motivated enough. I almost let myself believe that what I has to say was not important enough to share. So I am doing it anyways. I know better and I am going to prove that to myself.

Life is full of contemplation, one that I hope to stop soon, is whether or not I am good enough, if I can make a difference, if I will be able to change the world... I should have no doubts... Change can be exponential - If you change one person's life today and that person changes one person's life tomorrow, and down the line - your one act, word, etc can make the difference in this world.

So stop being afraid, starting shouting out, and be sure to be heard - today, tomorrow, and forever. Let your voice, your heart and soul, leave their print on this world. its #YourTurn

I bid thee a gracious farewell, 2014!

So as has been part for the case over the life of this blog... it has been awhile. I think I was nervous to share what has been going on with me for fear that it was actually real, perhaps?

This afternoon as I was kicking my own ass out of a depressive state that I have been in over the last few days I started to reflect over this past year, and I must say its been pretty interesting.

I started it off in true typical fashion bringing in the New Year celebrating with Michele. I celebrated a birthday with a collection of pretty amazing people. I celebrated the year anniversary of quitting an awful boss and making the most difficult decision of my life. I fell completely in love with Snowboarding, and refell for Grand Lake, CO. I made and ate/drank lots of wonderfully amazing food and beverages. I was named the Leasing Consultant of the Year, won District Table Topics Competition in Toastmasters, and was offered two pretty awesome jobs from two different sets of friends. Thanks to the job I picked I was able to hold ONLY one job for the first time in my adult life. I opened a business! I had two awesome visitors (Travis and Uncle Pete), saw soo many amazing concerts, sporting events, and such. Visited Wyoming and Washington - finally meeting my pretty awesome friend Jeremy. I did some climbing and a little bit of running, I even started weight lifting again. I had my own place. I saw my "Big Bro" tie the knot and finally saw Block Island. I went paragliding and camping. I contributed to a few great causes. Purchasing a motorcycle set me free in so many ways. Christmas came early to CT with a total surprise for Michele's 30th and then made a quite and serene stop in CO as I celebrated my first Christmas by myself and away from home. I have made so many great connections and friendships that I hope to continue to build and strengthen and add more to the collection.  Self exploration, development, and actualization has been an ongoing and very important part of this year that I foresee flooding over into the rest of my life.

Some of my nearest and dearest friends experienced losses that I could not be there to provide the support I wanted. I went through quite a few trials and tribulations with my health and the struggle to understand what was happening in my body. I ended three different relationships. I fought with both of my parents. I left Boulder. I had to resort back to getting roommates. I kind of failed at my job and have to take multiple steps back, yet again.

When you look at all the good compared to the not so great, I will say 2014 was a pretty decent year. I am thankful for lots of growth, a magnitude of amazing adventures and opportunities and the ability to regularly push myself to learn more, give more, and be a better me everyday.

I love you all and look forward to sharing in some great adventures with you in 2015 and on.